Dumb Dog

We have a dog named Squirt that is as dumb as a box of rocks. Well, I guess that is not a fair statement. He is so smart that he is slow, like someone with Asperger syndrome. And he is a barker. If he knows you are home, he will bark and whine until you let him out of the dog run. It is ridiculous. We have tried everything including a shock collar. Nothing works. He is almost 5 years old and suffers from asthma and narcolepsy, but still acts like a puppy. A whiny puppy. He is driving me crazy. I love him, but this barking and whining is just too much. I am not the kind of owner that will just drop an animal off at the pound, and I don't believe in cutting out the vocal cords, but I want to kill him. I just don't know what to do anymore. Ugggg!